Girty’s Useless Crap

Well so the panic is on…

I lost my job in July and have had one temporary contract job and one consulting job since then. I’m on unemployment but that will end at some point.  What a time we live in, eh?

My husband and I found a house in a really incredible little town. He’ll be able to walk to work, which is great. It’s so quaint, lovely and eclectic we feel we’ll actually be able to fit in. Not like here in the suburbs where we feel like fish out of water.

We’re surrounded by grown up jocks. Republicans who are really just marking time until the next football game. We tried to connect with them- to fit in, but it’s not us. Now we’re at the point where we don’t care. We don’t like them either, it’s clear.

But the market is horrible. If we can sell our house for fair market, we’ll be able to make a little bit of money. Most importantly, we’ll be largely out of debt and easily able to make it on my husband’s salary alone. I can pick up the odd consulting job or sell art and earn an extra bit here or there. Most importantly, I can focus on being a wife and mother- taking care of my family and home. And that’s really what I want to do.

It’s my mid-life crises. I’ve decided that must be what it is. Before I lost my job I lost my way. I felt it slip away and I could not get it back. Upon further investigation I’ve determined that I do not, in fact, WANT to get it back. I think life for most people is largely a lie and I don’t want to feed that machine any more.

I see a lot of people tied up to money and doing things because that’s what they think they are supposed to be doing, but I don’t think it has to be that way. I don’t think I have to feel I have to have a career, and be a wife and mother and homemaker for my family. Damn, that’s just too much! I can do one or three things well, but I can’t do SO MANY things well. Something will suffer and for too many years that something has been my family and myself. Mostly myself. No more.

I think it’s taken my husband a long time to come around. I’m not really sure he’s come around yet, to be honest with you. I think he accepts, at face value, that I say I’m going through something profound. I think he thinks I’m sick, in a way. Perhaps he feels I’m sick in my heart- and he would be correct in thinking that. I don’t know what he thinks. Maybe he thinks I’m crazy. Maybe he’s right. He probably is. I’m OK with that, too.

So, anyway, we live in this house now that’s worth about $328,000 and we are trying to get a mortgage to move into a house for $125,000. We’ll be moving from 3200 square feet to 1750 square feet- yes half the size! and less than half the mortgage! I wonder what the percentage decrease in stress that will be? Hrm…

I’ve been totally freaking out about getting the mortgage. We really only have the husband’s income to count on, since my unemployment will end someday. My mother in law will help us- I’m sure that will come with strings. I thought with the economy being in the shitter no lenders would want to talk to us, but they don’t seem to be terribly put off.

But can we sell our house? Should we rent it instead? Maybe we can rent it to own? How much will we have to pay a Realtor? Can we fsbo? How am I going to move all this shit? Where am I going to put all this shit? We have to get rid of some shit. What shit should I get rid of? I mean, some of it’s a no brainer- we don’t have cable anymore so we don’t need all these TVs plus the house isn’t big enough for that many TVs but..

I have a headache. Where’s my Zoloft?